Rusty, dusty and dirty...

It has been a while since i last updated my blog... So i can say, this blog has been rusty, dusty and dirty.

So much changes had been happening in my life.  The best thing that occurred is Emma, my 2nd born.  She just turned 13 months and it just seemed like yesterday that I had given birth to her.

I find it hard to do regular posts on this blog, it could be due to lack of time or perhaps, blogging is no longer my priority.

Hopefully, i will pick it up again... Like meeting up with old friends and catching up....

Sleepless...

Woke up at 3.41am to answer the call of nature and realised that PK is not sleeping.... Went to get him back to bed...

Guess what, I m the one that can't get back to sleep. Piglet is going to HK next month with Mum at Mum's request, or rather HK Aunt's request.

Piglet is funny, when we asked her, "Do you want to go visit Yipo in HK?" She shook her head. When we told her that she will be taking the aeroplane to visit Yipo, she did not answer us. After a while, she told us, "I want to find Yeh yeh and Yipo ah!"

For me, I suddenly have this notion to visit Piglet in HK and helped Mum to bring her back (almost towards the end of the trip). My only problem is whether my work enables me to take leave? I m researching the air ticket's prices to Hong Kong, its either i take budget airline (serves no purpose coz the flight timing coming back dun coincide with Mum) or I take the same airline as Mum.

Quoting Sis => Can't bear to let her go, dun let her go.... (But the selfish me wants to have a break from her.)
Quoting Mum => Itchy butt syndrome....

1st Trip

I m at Changi Airport, T2 waiting for my flight... Super sleepy now... It will be a long day later at the KL office.

No agenda for this trip and i can only say, "Expect the unexpected." Having mixed feelings about this trip but it will be another learning trip for me.

Will miss Ms. Piggy n PK for these 3 days. I told Ms. Piggy about my trip yesterday and she seems to understand and yet dun what I m trying to tell her. She was awake for a while this morning before i left for the airport.... Perhaps, her way of saying, "Mama, have a good trip?"

Just so weird.....

Recently, i have been feeling distressed over my work...

Surprisingly, I did not turn to shopping to vent the unhappiness, emptiness inside myself. (That's the first time i will do!)

I wonder, what is happening to me? Especially, I have not been chanting or things like that.. in fact, I feel like I m just waiting for time to pass, for things to happen.... Just so weird....

What to do what to do

Recently, I just signed a letter of employment for this job which is a one year contract, company G. On the day before the contract was ready for signature, i received a call for an interview (another company).

I agreed to the interview as the offer from company G was verbal and i had to be subjected to a background check before i could start work, even though i had signed the letter but i had signed a release form that company G can terminate me anytime should my background check failed!

So i went for the interview at company H, the CFO personally interviewed me. Boy it was a long one that lasted more than an hour! The CFO was a persuasive man, somehow he managed to make me have second thoughts about company G as he threw out this main bait about work-life balance and company H being an extremely PRO-FAMILY company! In the end, the CFO extended his invitation to me for a 2nd interview!

I was in a dilemma, here I was ready to sign the contract and another potential job offer. After some thoughts, I signed the letter of employment for company G and the recruiter told me that my start date is still subjected to background check clearance! Just today, Company H (the CFO personally SMS me) and invited me for a 2nd interview. I agreed to it and the interview is scheduled 1 day before my official start date with Company G.

Seriously, I dunno whether did i do the right thing but looking at the situation, it just seems the job at company G is unsecured yet and I might not also get the job either at Company H. So, I will deem it as another learning experience coz at times in life, we are caught in such a situation too. Just wish me luck!

Mixed Feelings

Today is the last day in the company that i had been working for 4 years.

Its really mixed feelings, there are good times and bad times. It is so unfortunate that all the bads of this company masked away all the good.

When i first joined the company, there was 100% turnover and followed by a brand new team. We, the brand new team bonded and worked happily despites the working conditions then. Unfortunately, the colleagues all left and I was left all alone again. I can't fit into the new team for whatever reason and I was surprised that I managed to survive for almost 2 years by being a lone ranger. That was the most miserable period.

As I went around saying good bye to my colleagues, I almost wanted to tear when one of them were telling me, "It has been so long that I met such a cheerful gal like you especially in this company!" I was so touched! What was unexpected was SS, she told me that she wished I had worked for 10 years instead of 4 years! Well, my work is still appreciated by her.

Suddenly, I had many "Turn Back Time" moments and realised that things might be different with a lot of "What if"? But this time, there is no "what if", I had to move on. If I had stayed, I will lose more of myself and that is not what I want.

No matter what, Thank you, dear company for giving me a best time of my work!

D-day!

Today is D-day!

A sense of relief when i gave the letter to SS. SS was funny, the first question to me, "U found a job?" I replied her no and then she asked me whether its due to the incident that happened yesterday.

I told her no and that I had made this decision long ago coz of personal reasons. She was totally stunned. Anyway, even if i resigned due to yesterday's incident... I also wont admit lor! Anyway, I told her that i need to settle my personal problem and i might go to London!! Hahahah!!

Anyway, time to move on and find another place nicer place... cant wait to detox!

Evil Plot!

I m devising an evil plot for work issues...

And i m really to rehearse on how to put it across to SS so that it sounds Professional and convincing enough....

Now to mention checking with my strategist in the land of Aloha on the appropriateness of this evil plot. HEhe, looking forward to D-day!

Lightbulb moment!

I just realised the simple solution to my co problem...

Cut the no of unnecessary headcount and increased the pay of the existing staff! Productivity increased & cost cutting measures realised!! Hahah... my wishful thinking, dept heads like to have alot of staff under them... (image issue!)

Who dun looked so lah wu.... with so many subordinates under them??? Hahaha!!! Next time, i became a head of dept, i also must do that! :P

Property Check...

Five years - the time period that the Ang Family has to occupy our Redhill HDB apartment.

This is the 5th year, ie we can sell off our apartment in 2011 and move to Bedok or anywhere that is nearer to my parents' place.

So i have been checking out this website, www.propertyguru.com.sg and this site is really the best as compared to others property website. The layout are good and the information is extremely updated.

From this website, I realised how hot the HDB Apartments are in my Mum's area and how expensive they can be especially for a 30 years old ++ flat! Some of the prices quoted by the sellers are ridiculous and its no wonder that their apartments have not been sold yet. (They placed the ad for at least 3 months.)

Anyway, I m monitoring the property prices and plans to move might change subjected to alot of other factors... In the mean time, i just keep my fingers crossed that the Ang Family will be able to move to an apartment at a right time and a right price.

Contradictions

Dad was out of his last job recently. He was employed in a security firm that outsourced staff to SMRT for those security personnel in the MRT stations.

He lost his job as a passenger (got checked twice by SMRT security personnel) wrote a 3 pages long complaint email to SMRT. The exact story, I m unsure as Dad was just giving me snippets here and there.

Yesterday, at Redhill MRT station, I saw a Security Personnel (older than Dad), a passenger and the SMRT station control staff. The passenger was complaining to the SMRT station control staff and I overhead his statement, "I dun like the attitude of his, talking to me like that.." (pointing to the Security personnel)

From this 2 incidents, I figured that folks like Dad's age should not be hired to do such job as they might be hard of hearing thus, speaking to folks slightly louder that translate to shouting to our ears unless those used to old folks at home.

I find it contradicting whereby the government strongly encourage senior citizens to work and firms are hiring them as they are considered "cheap labour" yet, they can get themselves out of job easily like such instances.

My conclusion, really must save $$ for retirement as noone is willing to hire senior citizens to work. Such is the reality of life.

2009 Year End Review/Reflections

As year 2009 is coming to an end in 8 days time, its the time of the year where i will be doing a review or reflections of what I had done in the year.

Well, i must say... Looking back, its as if nothing much has happened but there are alot of changes in my life.

1. Family
My parents' problem has finally came to a pinnacle and full blown in everyone's faces. Well, it affected us (my siblings & me) but I had taken this approach, just let them be and do my part as what a child got to do.

On the in laws, its a tough battle. I have to learn how to accept them for what they are and at the same time, drop my prejudices against them too.

2. PK & Me
Like any couples, we have our fair share of ups & downs. Both of us are working together to build a stronger marriage even though we have this difference on rearing Ms. Piggy!

3. Piglet
This little gal is one tough cookie and its a challenge in raising and teaching her. She is real stubborn and a smart one. She knows which buttons of the adults to push in order to get her demands met. As much as she tries my patience and push my boundries, seeing her cheeky smile will melt my heart and throw all my worries and troubles away!

4. Myself
I must say, there has been a lot of toxic and negative elements inside me. I am resentful of alot of things and envious of others. And i always asked myself this question, "What's wrong with myself?" I thank God that help was given to me in many ways that I dun realised it. I won't say that those toxic & negative elements are 100% gone but I m getting them out of my system slowly.

Now, I just gotta tell myself not to take things too seriously and not to be too hard on myself. Humans are not perfect and I should be able to accept that of myself. :)

5. Work
Work is stagnant and instinctly, I know I had to get out of it. But i did not as I had made a lot of excuses for unable to leave, like 2 months notice, fear of a new work environment, difficulty in finding a job, being "chopped" in terms of pay negotiation in the new job etc etc... The more I had all these excuses, the harder it is to leave and not to mention, resentful emotions start to accumulate! So, I had given myself a timeline for my current work situation. This will buy me some time and enable me to plan my next move!

Finally, 2009 is really an interesting year for me and my only wish is that 2010 will be an even better year! :)

Death - a release

Last weekend, Mum, Bro & the Ang family went to visit my Sembawang Auntie.

Auntie was diagnosed with cancer 9 years ago and she had a relapse in March this year. The relapse was back with a vengance! Auntie did not want to go through chemotherapy but her family encouraged her to go and thus, she went for it.

In June, Auntie went to attend K's 1st month celebration and she was unhappy during the celebration as my Uncle and cousins forbidded her to eat the buffet spread at the celebration. In fact, Auntie even threw tantrums and Uncle was pissed off with Mum and friends as he deemed them to let Auntie to have the food!

But Uncle & my cousins were unable to see from Auntie's point of view, Auntie knew that even though she has gone for the chemotherapy but to her, its just prolonging her life cum suffering. Thus, she knew that she can pass away anytime, she definitely wants to eat what she wants and do what she wants!

Back to last weekend's visit, she was happy to see us but it was upsetting for me to see her in such a state. She was so fragil, she told me matter of fact that she is not doing well as she can't eat or sleep. Her weight has gone further down from 40++kg to 30++kg. Auntie has decided to stop her chemotherapy much to the chargain of her family and she is looking forward to death as she told us that its her only release.

But her family is holding on to her, Uncle being the devoted husband is looking at the ways & means to cook food for her. Currently, Uncle is cooking veggie soup for her and it does help to whet Auntie's appetite. Mum further encouraged Auntie not to give up Uncle's efforts.

I pray that Auntie will not suffer anymore and I told Mum that no matter how upsetting it is. Death will be the only release for Auntie as i really dun want to see her suffer anymore.

Decisions, decisions

I had been thinking about a lot of stuff recently, the stuff i thought about is the usual, my family & work.

Family, the need for moving from Redhill to Bedok seems to be more and more obvious. Claire has started her childcare life and the centre is situated a few blocks away from my parents' place. Currently, both of us are staying at my parents' place till Ms. Piggy gets used to childcare life. PK was resistant to the idea of moving to Bedok initially but i highlighted to him about the childcare arrangement and Claire's future education. He has gradually accepted it and due to "face" issues, he has not admitted to me that he is actually tired from all these travelling between Bedok & Redhill.

Myself, I m also tired of the travelling but been telling myself that it is not. As i m afraid that if i admit that it is, i might lose the strength to go on. But I m in a stage of self denial, by admitting it earlier at least, i wont find ways and means to escape from the stress of it! Now, i just have to tell myself that its a temporary situation and it will improve soon!

Work, also dependent on the family factor. I m unhappy in my current working environment as its simply stagnant. No room for growth be it in terms of promotion in duties or pay. If SS will to see this post, she will definitely say, "Hey, i had given you the opportunity but you refused to take it!" My answer, "I had given my feedback to you but with your micro-management style and insecurities, you failed to motivate me to go further. That's your failure and please dun blame it on the company structure!"

Recently, I realised why I m so angry with SS and some of my colleagues. I m happy that I knew the reason and at least, I dun have to carry this toxic feelings inside me. Now, I know that I should just do what is required of me and be open to options, be positive and I m sure better opportunities will come along. Also, at the same time, i must learn how to deal with occassional unreasonable demands/requests from SS, Anna and her gang. By knowing to better deal with them, this will enable me to have a better EQ in handling human relations.

Now, i told myself not to think too much about the future. Just do what is required of me at work, spent more time with my family and improve on the communication channels with PK and also at the same time, if there is any better career opportunities, just go for it... I m sure i will be able to get out from this moody period. That i think will be the best decision.

Weary.. really weary

I m really weary... In a span of 2 days, another family drama unfolds again.

As mentioned earlier in some of my posts, my parents are not on talking terms and their behaviour are downright childish. On Monday, my Dad called me and lashed out at me despites my repeated attempts to tell him to talk to me after 6pm as I m swarmed with work. But NO, he just won't stopped!

I decided I had enough of the parents' behaviour and i had to speak out to both parties separately in order to get the issue resolved or at least made it known to them that their behaviour is getting on everyone's nerves. So, i spoke to my Mum first as I was meeting her after work. I told her the truth about my siblings & my take on their behaviour and told her that both parents are at fault for things to come to such an end. As usual, Mum cried and at that moment, I regretted my decision to tell her that while at the same time, I feel relief.

As I had to stay over at my parents place on Monday nite, Mum came in twice into Bro's room and asked me why do I think she is at fault and questioned me even further as if I m siding with my Father. The thing that pissed me off most is to threaten me with the childcare arrangement again! Nevermind, at 12 midnight, a call from London and asked me why do I have to confront my Mum with the truth?

Next morning, I woke up feeling unwell as due to lack of sleep, my flu has finally blown up. Went to office with blocked nose & ears that led to teary eyes. My colleagues all told me to see the doc & take the day off. Guess what, at the doc's place, Mum called and told me to pick up Claire straight after seeing the doctor as if I can afford to be sick, why not she!

I cleared my work and went to pick Claire up and SK Aunt called and talked to me a while about my Mum's behaviour and advised me on what to do. Later, my Dad called and I was not in a mood to talk to anyone. I just switched my mobile to silent mode. Upon reaching home, HK Aunt called and I told her that I will call her back later as I need to settle Claire first.

I called HK Aunt and she asked me this question, "What do you mean by both parents are wrong? What WRONG did your Mum do?" I was like, "What!" and I replied that I dun want to answer her question and I m tired. She begun to plummet me with accusations and that even if I m tired, I MUST ANSWER HER QUESTION. I got fed up and she even accused me of throwing my temper at her... I really can't take it and broke down & i told her that i need to rest.

Suddenly, I m the one who caused everything. Everything is my fault, I should not have say this or that. I m really sick of all this, pandering to everyone... I m really angry, I m angry at my parents for doing this to me. Why can't they settle their own problem and get so many parties involved? I mean getting a divorce in their 60s is nothing shameful to be about either, what is face? If you really want face, will both of you behave in such a manner?

Now, I m really weary of all this drama. I will talk to my Father on Thursday and my case is closed. I should not bother about them anymore and I want to get on with my live. I dun want to be shackled by them anymore.

All shook up!

Today is really a big office shake up. Our CFO called for a meeting at 6.20pm and made the below announcements:

1. Foreign import of my dept => Head of Finance (News of head of finance resignation came last Friday during Happy Hour)

2. Colleague N will be taking over the duties of foreign import => CFO mentioned that she is "promoted" makes me wonder is promotion in terms of job scope, pay or level or everything.

3. Colleague G from Finance will be transferred to my dept.

4. They will hire another person to replace colleague G.

My thoughts, mixed feelings on the "promotion" part on Colleague N. On 2nd thoughts, i know where i stand so i know the reason for not "promoting" me. My only concern is work rotation and major shuffle among job duties.... Sianz....

In fact, all these happenings made me more determined to leave the company. I m already panicking inside my heart when i knew the work i done will lead me to nowhere. Looking at how the management does things further disgusted me especially on the headcount freeze & stuff. Imagine they re cutting our pay to cut costs & yet they re talking about replacement? Makes no sense, spending $$ whereby it should not be spending.

PK is very supportive, his advice is for me to get the bonus & leave the company without a job if I really can't take it. During the last interview that i went, the potential employer is quite of sianz to hear about me having to give 2 months notice. Furthermore, resigning now is not a good option coz I need to serve 2 months notice & i will have to forgo my 13th mth AWS too.

Well, i guess i just have to be patient like what ah fry advised and adopt a wait & see approach. :)

Invitation card

Got the above wedding invitation from my childhood friend, his wedding is held on this coming Sunday, 25th October 2009. The invitation card resembles more like a Chinese New Year card but I just love it...

To me, its a break from the usual ones I had seen in Singapore. :)

Someone from the office

I used to get along ok with this someone from the office - P. P just got promoted to the same level as SS (Smart Superior).

On my way out to lunch, I saw P at the lift lobby. Her fingernails was coated with crystals/stones that sparkled, her diamond rings on both hands also sparkled. At that moment, I was made even more dizzy by the sparkling stones that I really need to put on a pair of sunglasses to block out the glare. She was decked out in labels from head to toes.

Even since she has been promoted to the director level, she has been more flashy than ever in terms of her outward appearance and attitude. The most apt Chinese term to describe her is, "暴发户". I was thinking to myself, "Does power do this to people?" Looking at P's boss, A at Sr Director level doesn't behave in this manner and I still can joke & laugh with her but not P.

P just disgusts me to no point and I must say she is like a lesson for me, to learn how to be humble coz I might turn out to be like P and disgusts others to no point too. Now, I wonder how to reach the level like A?

Weddings, weddings

This month, I have 2 weddings to attend. One in Singapore while the other is in my Mum's hometown, Bentong, Pahang.

Told PK about the SG one as it was quite last minute. Originally, we re not invited as the affair was meant to be a small one as it was a 2nd marriage for my family friend. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the groom's side needs to add tables to the banquet, thus the invitation to us.

PK was like, how come 2nd marriage still like so grand? As based on our rationale, usually it will be a quiet affair but for my family friend, she has another wedding banquet & wedding photos taken. I was like, "Search me?"

As for the other wedding in Msia, it was long planned and it will be a church wedding cum lunch. It is also a family friend and I looked forward to it! As i really missed the weddings held in small towns where it is a more initimate affair! :)

Parents....

Recently, something happened on the home front that rendered alot of unhappiness among the siblings and the parent.

Last nite, Dad was patting Ms Piggy to sleep (usually Ms Piggy demands that from her fave Gong Gong) and he asked me about a family friend's upcoming wedding date. I mentioned to him that I dunno the date and he raised his voice to me,"I m not fooling around with you. I m talking serious."

I was like, "WTF" inside my mind and I retorted to him that I seriously DO NOT know the date coz i was not invited to the wedding. I got out of the room and went to complain to Mum about his action. Frankly speaking, he could have just got me to ask Mum when is the date instead of raising his voice & attempted to express to me how "SERIOUS" the matter is or rather showing me that he is the FATHER and I should not mess with him.

Mum told me that she doesn't feel like attending the wedding with him and fortunately, the family friend has kindly arranged both of them to sit separately at the wedding. I was like, "Ok" and chatted with Mum on a friend's mentality on something.

I was telling Mum that its a dilemma for me on how to treat Dad nicely. He gave us alot of problems yet he raised us and gave us an education. Furthermore in the past, he doted on his niece rather than Sis & I. Now, he loves Ms. Piggy more than anyone of us and will always be the first one to help me with Ms. Piggy.

Mum was asking telling me how difficult it is for her to face Dad now and she seriously can't stand the sight of Dad now. Seeing them in this kind of situation, there s nothing I can do as their problem is deeply rooted and been there for many years. All I could do now is be their messenger.